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AEE Episode 75: How to Show Respect While You Argue in English

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Lindsay: This is an All Ears English Podcast, Episode 75, Teaching Tuesday: “How to Show Respect While You Argue in English.” [Instrumental]

Gabby: Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, where you’ll finally get real, native English conversation. Now here are your hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the ‘English Adventurer’ and Gabby Wallace, the ‘Language Angel,’ coming to you from Boston, Massachusetts, USA.

Lindsay: Today you’ll learn four English phrases to bring to your next friendly argument.

[Instrumental]

Gabby:

Hey Lindsay. How’s it going?

Lindsay:

Hey Gabby. I’m doing well.

Gabby:

Great.

Lindsay:

Yeah.

Gabby:

So today we’re going to reflect on our conversation, our argument.

Lindsay:

That was fun.

Gabby:

[making cat like noises]. Argument noises there.

Lindsay:

I know. After the episode, you (like) attacked me. It was crazy. I couldn’t believe that.

Gabby:

Yeah, things got a little crazy, but thanks to our tactical and respectable, respectful (uh) English skills, we were able to (um) come to some middle ground which is one of our phrases for you today.

Lindsay:

Yeah. Why don’t we go ahead and teach that phrase.

Gabby:

Take it away.

Lindsay:

So what do you mean when you say “middle ground”?

Gabby:

Well, I said it in the conversation, “Maybe there’s some middle ground.” So by middle ground, I mean somewhere we agree because my opinion is way over on the right and your opinion is way over on the left. But there has to be some middle ground, somewhere in the middle that we could meet.

Lindsay:

Yeah, exactly. So you could say “come to a consensus also.” Gabby:

Yeah.

Lindsay:

A little bit of that, right?

Gabby:

Maybe look for some, some points in common or some shared opinions.

Lindsay:

Yeah, exactly.

Gabby:

Something we can compromise on.

Lindsay:

(Um-hm).

Gabby:

Cool.

Lindsay:

And then we used the phrase – I, I said this, I said (um), “(I mean) I see what you mean.” Gabby:

(Uh-huh).

Lindsay:

So what is going on here? I used the word ‘mean’ twice.

Gabby:

(Uh), okay. So I think when you say “I mean,” it’s kind of a filler, or it’s a hedge to soften your statement and then when you said, “I see what you mean,” you’re offering a concession, (you know), you’re showing not, not that you agree with me necessarily, but that you understand what I’m saying and that you respect what I’m saying.

Lindsay:

Exactly.

Gabby:

So I imagine that maybe after this, you (um) might have shared an opinion of yours that was a little different.

Lindsay:

Definitely.

Gabby:

‘Cause (because) sometimes we follow this with ‘however’ or a ‘but.’ Lindsay:

Right. Right.

Gabby:

“I see what you mean, ‘but’…” Lindsay:

I probably did do that. So this is a good way to prepare the person you’re speaking with for a contradicting opinion.

Gabby:

Yeah, show that, (you know), you understand and you respect them, but you have a different opinion.

Lindsay:

Definitely.

Gabby:

So after that, (um) we said “makes sense.” Lindsay:

(Uh-hm). And when I said this, I took off “it”, right? So I dropped the subject there.

Gabby:

Easy way to shorten it.

Lindsay:

(It) happens a lot when we speak English naturally.

Gabby:

Yeah.

Lindsay:

(Mm-hm).

Gabby:

(Um) so “makes sense” is another way to show that you’re listening, you understand and you respect the person who’s talking, but it might be used as a way to introduce your different opinion, (like) your opposite opinion from the person you’re talking to.

Lindsay:

Right, so it could be again, make sense, but… Gabby:

Right.

Lindsay:

…or however.

Gabby:

Still arguing right?

Lindsay:

(Mm-hm).

Gabby:

(Um) (I mean) it could be a way where you, you introduce that you’re agreeing with the person, but we use it in a way to soften an argument.

Lindsay:

Yeah, that’s what we’re doing here, we’re softening the argument.

Gabby:

Right. Okay, and then last, we have one more.

Lindsay:

Yeah. So you used the expression “My question would be…” So here you’re challenging what I’m saying. And why didn’t you say, “My question is…”?

Gabby:

Well, I could’ve said that but I was being more polite, more indirect by using the conditional, “My question would be…” It’s just a little (like) more polite I guess.

Lindsay:

Yeah, I, I think of it as like… Gabby:

Softer.

Lindsay:

…you’re kind of stepping back, and you’re kind of stepping out of reality.

Both:

Right…

Lindsay:

…to more of an unreal sort of situation.

Gabby:

Let’s imagine.

Lindsay:

Yeah.

Yeah.

Gabby:

Lindsay:

“If you made that argument, my question would be…” Gabby:

But if you want to sound a little bit more (uh) direct, a little bit more powerful, definitely say “My question is…” Lindsay:

Definitely. You could totally do that. Maybe it just depends on the context of the argument… Gabby:

Right.

Lindsay:

…depends on the person you’re arguing with, the topic, how passionate are you about that topic?

Gabby:

Right. Yeah. So little changes in the language can (uh) kind of show what you’re trying to express better.

Lindsay:

Yeah.

Gabby:

So should we repeat?

Lindsay:

Sure.

Gabby:

Cool. All right. So the first phrase “Maybe there’s some middle ground.” Okay.

Lindsay:

“(I mean), I see what you mean.” Gabby:

“(It) Makes sense.”

Lindsay:

“My question would be…”

Gabby:

All right. Awesome.

[Instrumental]

Lindsay: If you like to put your ears into English with Lindsay and Gabby, be sure to subscribe to the podcast audio in iTunes for free on your computer or on your smartphone. Thanks for listening to the All Ears English Podcast. See you next time.